The Lost Art of Love
This maybe a several session discussion but we all have to start somewhere... And for us it starts with language, spoken, written, and body language.
This is for those of you who are not looking for a date or a romp in the sheets, but someone who is your equal, a person to share your views or to demolish your views, but someone who makes you YOU only bettter, more vibrant, more alive, more aware of your surroundings, someone who influences you to see the roads you travel, the rug you walk on, the coffee you drink, as unique, special, and you GLOW.
So, let's start with basics, Before cellphones, texting, email, and all the instant gratification, there was snail mail, or horse mail, since it was delivered by horse, on foot, by train, by steamship, and you would spend hours writing and wording just right a missive, a love letter, or a conversation to someone, stamp it and put it in the mail, then wait 2 weeks for a response, sometimes breath held in anticipation and always checking the post box once a day for that special handwriting on a creamy envelope, you'd open it carefully, in a private place and pour over the words for the obvious, the subtle, and re-read it for the next two weeks until the next letter arrived. Relationships developed....
Forward to today: You meet someone, exchange information, they text you, email you, maybe even call for a date. Then after that date you check your text, email, call log, when are they going to call?, did you miss it?, why aren't they calling, it's been 2 days?, did you say something wrong?, were you too forward?, too shy?, did they lose your information?
So Truth #1: Anyone can find you for any reason. That person did not lose or misplace your information. With the technology we have and especially social networking, if they want to find you they will. How many times have you been found by someone who meet you out and you had no interest in them. But they somehow found out where you worked, stopped by your work, sent flowers, penned a not with their seal on the back. You might not have been interested but they were into you.
Now this is really for women, but men read ahead you might find out some useful things about what your actions tell us!
My favorite experience with a first date started like this: A man came into where I worked and was introduced to me by a mutual friend. After about 30 minutes he approached me and asked, "May I have your number? I would like to call you to ask you out for a date." As I was not imediately interested and this was on a Friday I responded that if he came back on Monday I would give him my number. (Nothing wrong with being coy...) Monday, work went well and at about 4:00 I realized that he hadn't come back and I would be spared a date. But no! At 4:45 he walked in the front door, he had left work early to come see me... and he said, "I'd like to have your number so I can call you on Wednesday, to ask you out for Thursday night." I know you are reading this and smiling. But what could a woman say to a man who knew what he wanted and persued it, and also made her feel comfortable with his actions. Needless to say he called Wednesday, we went out Thursday......
Truth #2: (Mostly for Women) If a man is interested in you he will persue you! So, stop checking your phone! Granted you can help him along in his interest by subtle influences. (always surround yourself with trusted male friends) They can be very useful in indicating how wonderful you are to other men. Any woman worth her salt will have pleanty of gentleman friends she is not affraid of introducing to her future love. I find these men were initially interested in her but she has a way of making sure they understand they are adored but not the right fit.
So, this leads us to a bit of do's and don't if you want to be respected and treated like the Lady you are...
1. You can't call him first, EVER. You only return phone calls, that is it.
2. If he calls after 7pm in the evening you do not return the call that night.
3. The next day is a new day and you still don't return the call, you allow him the pleasure of persuing you by initiating a new call that day.
4. To go back to evening calls, you are not allowed to accept an invite after 5:45pm. How could he assume that a beautiful lady, like you, hasn't had throngs of admireres begging for an audience with you. If he has waited till 5:45 he is not that concerned about seeing you. Politely say you've plans for the evening (Which You Should) Even if those plans are painting your fingers and toes, you have made plans.
5. Always have an "options list." This is easy as picking up your local magazines, papers and social calendar to see what is happening, a lecture, concert, musical, poetry reading, black tie event, or a night in with a good friend. I always made my "options list" by lunch time. He can hope you are free another evening. And you should be if you are interested, and in the dating game it is never bad to be seen at a classy restaurant having a delightful conversation with a well dressed man. You never know who you'll meet or who will tell the man you've been dreaming about how lovely you looked the other evening.....
More to come, keep tuned in...
"It isn't someone who teaches something, but someone who inspires the student to give of her best in order to discover wheat she already knows." Paulo Coelho
